Laying here hoping
you’re missing me
The way I’m missing you
I’ve no hope of coping
I’m bleeding here
Are you bleeding too?
No matter what they say
I can’t convince my heart
To feel any other way
To return to the start
Would be my one true wish
But here we are
Ash clenched in my fists
What we had was gold
But we were not Midas
Far the contrary —
I just wish I could pick one:
To go back to when we were each other’s everything
Or to when we were nothing.
But this transitory state carries the pain of death
After all, what is death but a transition?
Energy cannot be created or destroyed,
Merely to change form.
I really am hurting.
It terrifies me to think you may not be hurting too,
Though I’d never wish you pain or harm
I just want to know you care.
because I do
Such is the cost of life,
Of love.
I am warm,
I have a heartbeat.
How vulnerable it is to live
For to live is to love
And life cannot be so
without that mystifying factor.
Love isn’t logical.
That much I know.
I cannot bargain with my heart.
communication with it
is a one way street.
I can only listen to it
And let it be heard
Lest I silence myself.
I do miss you,
And I will deny it no more
For I refuse to deny myself.
I will let myself hurt
I will let myself be taken by the sorrow
For I loved. Oh, how I loved.
Why would I hide from the truth?
I’ll not.
How strong I feel in admitting
My tenderness
Oh, how I loved,
And oh, how this hurts
And how much better do I feel already,
In my admittance, in my confession?
How can one repent and be made clean
Without first an admission of guilt?
Oh, I am guilty. How guilty I am!
Guilty of loving in the highest degree
Oh, how the current took me,
I a mere fish helpless against the sea.
And once I stopped fighting the tide,
I found I could have fun in it…
Yes, fun, like a ride.
Isn’t the pain part of the fun?
Shattered illusions,
Was she or was she not the one?
I’ll not cheat love, and I’ll not cheat death.
I loved, I loved, I loved,
I’ll admit that with every breath.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Yes, catastrophically did I collapse,
For the heights we soared to
Were more than I’d ever known.
Unparalleled.
Thank you for the sights we saw
I regret the way we went down
But know that truly,
From the very bottom of my heart,
Do I only wish to see you soar.
Why be bitter in break up?
There’s no use in that,
Only fear, insecurity.
I wish you well, I wish you a grand life.
Thank you for the gift of your presence.
Farewell, friend
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 