Today I choose to let myself hurt
Well-meaning voices that seek to protect me
Try to convince me to hate her
To be angry at her
Simply have no effect on my heart
I’ve said it before —
She’s a one-way street.
She is to be listened to.
The Sun shines,
The Moon reflects.
The Sun is my heart,
Moon my mind and soul.
I’ll never be capable of loving again unless I let myself hurt.
You don’t get to choose.
You don’t get to have only the bliss and euphoria of love
Without this pain,
Even if it is excruciating.
All debts must be paid,
What goes up comes down.
Stave off the inevitable,
and you only build interest.
the debt will only build.
So here I am.
I’m here to pay what I owe:
Immense grief and sorrow.
Yet underneath the tears is a smile
Knowing the love behind them.
Knowing that every end is a new beginning
That each death foretells a new life
So I’ll grieve joyfully
I’ll dance in the rain.
It’s all accompanied with the awareness
That those who choose to hate
Are simply those who cannot face the pain,
And would rather turn it outward.
No.
I’ll face it.
I don’t hate her, not even a little bit.
I accept how powerless I am.
And it’s amazing.
I’ve no illusion of control.
So I experience the hurt with a purified mind
And then it isn’t even hurt at a certain point —
What does the sensation become?
It becomes the squeezing of a sponge
The release.
I cannot wait for the miracles that will come
Once the squeezing is done
What will be absorbed next?
…
…
…
The relationship died —
Not my heart.
Not my ability to love.
Not my joy,
Not my youth,
Not my inspiration,
Not my happiness.
The relationship died.
I will live, and live to the fullest.
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 