Writing just because. 

Sometimes I just need to get the words flowing. Sometimes, all you need to do is twist the faucet’s knob and trust that there is plenty of water waiting on the other side, desperate to come out, even if you cannot immediately see it. 

So, here I am. 

I love myself. What is self-love? Self-love, to me, is the recognition of one’s value. Often, those who are focused on the journey of growing in self-love are those who have been conditioned and trained to value the other at their own expense. They have often faced shame, taught that what comes naturally is to be met with consequences — that they should fear the natural unfolding of their self-expression. So, then, self-love is a corrective mechanism to wipe away the stains of the past, to step into self-empowerment, and to embrace their natural creative potential. To face and overcome the fear, to claim confidently, “I matter. My thoughts and feelings are important. I have just as much of a right to claim space as anyone else does.” Those on the journey of self-love are rarely on the path of making themselves above another — if that is what is happening, it isn’t a journey of self-love, but rather an unconscious yielding to fear, projecting the condescension they likely received in their early years out onto another, a form of wound you before you wound me — rather, they are on the path of making themselves merely equal in right to what they afford others. 

So, then, self-love, in this regard, is saying I deserve to shine just as much as others deserve to shine. Self-love should not be arrogance, though to those without it, it may look that way. Envy of others is often inspired by seeing others express what it is that we wish we could express ourselves. Ideally, this should turn into inspiration and admiration — envy is a poisonous form of admiration — and it ideally would make us believe that we, too, can shine the way they shine, embrace our strength the way they embrace their strength, and help us move towards the fullest expression of our highest and most total self. However, if we have denied ourselves that, or been denied that — and still cling to those barriers and are not ready to face them — we might seek to rob the light of others, to encourage them to dim their own shine the way we have decided we must dim our own. This is the poisonous admiration in action — it has been said that love and hate exist on the very same coin. We could only envy something that we value. Bravery and courage would mean accepting that we, too, can step into our power the way others have — this is humility, humility that somehow is the starting place of excellence and greatness, for we must be humble enough to let others shine without condemning them for it, and to honor that their self-love is an invitation for us to do the same.

My recent readings on the luminaries in astrology — Sun and Moon — by Liz Greene has told me that, when we step into our truest, highest, fullest, most beautiful, and authentic self — the gold of the Sun — the archetypal motif often necessarily involves the inspiration of envy in another. That, when we step into our role as the solar Hero, those who have allowed themselves to be small will try to squash our light the same way they have had their light squashed. They will project their own limits upon us. Therefore, in stepping into our own light and strength, we must not only overcome our own fears and self-imposed limitations, we must also be prepared to conquer the fears, limitations, insecurities, and judgements that the collective will likely place upon us. This is why the solar Hero necessarily is what it is — a hero — for they not only vanquish something for themselves, they vanquish something for others. 

The truest and highest form of self-love, then, also necessarily implies love for others, for we can only brave the walls, barriers, boundaries, and shames others may try to place on us by loving them. We must not be afraid to shine our light into their darkness, without judgment, without condemnation, without meeting judgment with judgment, without meeting hatred with hatred, without meeting antagonism with antagonism, but rather telling them and showing them that the very same way I have allowed myself to shine is the very same way you can allow yourself to shine, too, and that, as a matter of fact, I would love it if you did. If they are not prepared to do this themselves, then they will call you any slew of names, and they will try to limit you — but know that this is the arsenal of ugly psychological content they have reserved for themselves, and that everything they throw at you, they throw at themselves. Never take their judgments personally. One who truly loves themselves also wants others to shine and to love themselves, too, because they know that others shining will never take away from their own shine. If one is totally satisfied and at peace with who they are, and if they are fully expressing every part of their whole and total being, then they will also be at peace with others doing the same. Only those who are not at peace with who they are, and who are not being their whole and total self, will feel threatened by others doing such. 

This awareness serves as great and incredible power, for having such perceptive, psychoanalytical-slight-of-hand to recognize the roots of the behavior of those who oppose us makes it much less threatening, and may even inspire waters of compassion that are far superior to the fires of their malices.

Ultimately, let it be known that this is why self-love is so fucking important — the principles of psychological projection necessarily imply that the way you treat yourself, you will treat others unwittingly, even if the last thing you want is to put others down. A self-love journey is also a redemptive journey for those around you. If you rescue yourself, you may also end up rescuing others in the process by granting them permission to shine, too. 

This does pertain to romance. So often, the cliché is that we will naturally attract love from others once we begin to love ourselves; however, how can you truly be prepared to love on another, and be fit to handle their heart, if you will inevitably treat them the way you treat yourself, and the way that you treat yourself is not with loving kindness?

Love yourself properly so that, when the time comes, you will be prepared to also do so for another.