How can I better meet these astrological signatures within myself?
That Sagittarian restlessness has long operated within the shadows of my consciousness. How can I meet you better?
Tell me, tell me, tell me where the line between the pursuit of betterment and deep dissatisfaction is? Where is the line between a creative desire to improve the world, and the inability to love the world for what it is?
Those wild horses need me, need me, need me to exhaust them. To run, run, run, run, run great expanses and distances. They need wide horizons. They need wide philosophical and mental horizons; they need wide literal horizons of travel and adventure. It is a stirring and tingling of stardust ever present in my spine, full of laughter, jovian, queer, restless, restless, restless, that little centaur who could not sit still in the classroom, who felt evermore estranged and felt “bad” for simply being what he is: an adventurer by nature, chained with the rest of his generation to a seat.
So, his “inattentive” ADHD was his coping mechanism — if he could not travel physically, he’d travel mentally. So far away did his bones wish to run — the energy could not be created or destroyed, but could change form. So instead of expressing itself kinetically, it expressed itself mentally. That’s why he was distant mentally, that’s why I was far away mentally.
But how do I meet him? How do I love him? He isn’t bad by nature. Perhaps he needs to be tamed, perhaps he needs to be trained, perhaps his energies need to be better channeled with wisdom. But no, he isn’t bad. He is optimistic, he is loving, and he can be a fool, but out of none but the jovian spirit of eagerness who sees so much right that he forgets to consider what can go wrong.
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 