this restlessness. this restless disposition. the heart of the seeker. will i ever stop seeking? will i ever feel satisfied? is it dissatisfaction, or is it wanderlust, the spirit of ecstasy drawing me towards the horizon for a lifetime?
so drawn am i by the greater, by the higher. it will never, ever abate. this is joy. chasing! chasing! chasing! playing!
ever drawn and inspired by ideas. how ruled am i by them! i am at their mercy!
the spirit of the gold rush will never leave my bones. eureka is my favorite word, destined and fated to be the most used in my lexicon. without this dissatisfaction, without my eyes fixed on the horizons, without a romantic heart blessed or cursed or both by longing, what would i be? what would i be? no, this isn’t doomed idealism. it is not. how could my idealism be doomed if i see the ideal in the plain, in the mundane? how could i ever stop shouting eureka when i see gold everywhere? when i see gold in strangers’ eyes, in grains of sand, in dirt?
i have lived my life in pursuit of eurekas, and i have one every day. i shout eureka when i roll out of bed, what a treasure to be alive. i shout eureka when i see my mother, what a gift she is. i shout eureka when i speak to my friends, for their hearts are as plainly gold as anything could be. i shout eureka when i see my cats’ beautiful blue eyes, when Gema meows and does anything he possibly can to be a menace, when Cosmo makes it abundantly clear that he has a distaste for humanity, making it ever more special when he graces me with affection, producing yet another eureka for being deemed worthy and redeemable by him. i shout eureka when i get a work text, what a gift it is to have a job that provides for me, i shout eureka at the beach, something many people never have the privilege to see. i shout eureka when i cry, what a gift it is to feel at all. i shout eureka when i read, how many illiterate people have existed throughout history? how could i have struck gold to be so lucky as to be able to read? eureka!
i shout eureka being able to walk, i shout eureka when my mother makes me food, i shout eureka when i drink water, i shout eureka at all things. why should i not?
my life is a never-ending gold rush, for there is no metal more abundant than gold.
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 