I feel like true masculinity is found in suffering appropriately. suffering like an adult. without petulance, without whining. true masculinity is in embracing one’s suffering with strength, continuing regardless.
that does not mean one cannot ask for help. true masculinity also lifts up others in their suffering, true masculinity is also about the brother/sisterhood of all of mankind. we are stronger together, only compounding the other’s strength.
but I do believe masculinity is created with suffering. it is the principle of hormesis. one suffers and discovers their ability to make it through. this is about fundamental opposites: suffering, and the very principle of struggle and challenge, is the opposing principle to our strength, our strength to survive. they are puzzle pieces that fit together, on one another. I do not think masculinity can be discovered without challenge.
it almost feels Darwinian in nature. this is Mars-Saturn in action; Saturn says no, Saturn is the challenges of nature, Death’s scythe ready to chop the chaff from the wheat, Mars is us deciding if we will be wheat or if we will be chaff.
toxic masculinity is created with strained and discordant relationships to suffering. toxic masculinity believes it should suffer more than it should, or that it should suffer in the wrong ways. toxic masculinity believes it should suffer alone. or, toxic masculinity might save itself suffering at the expense of others, being without compassion to the suffering of others. toxic masculinity either endures suffering too much, to its own demise, or does not endure enough suffering, giving the weight for others to bear.
true masculinity is found in humility, for in humility we embrace our suffering without seeking escape. this is not about martyrdom nor masochism — rather, it is about the recognition that the some of the greatest accomplishments in life worth our time cannot be completed without work, without pain, without suffering. we recognize that our labor will have fruits, and humble ourselves enough to tend to the Earth that she bring forth reward. we bear the weight of the cross and tend to our work dutifully.
this is all about the principle of entropy.
human strength is about our God-given ability to be the equal and opposite force to the natural entropy of the universe. without work, if we are to sit idly by and let life pass us, the universe’s natural tendency towards entropy will take over. entropy in this sense is atrophy. our strength atrophies and the universe’s entropy dominates.
i do believe this is all behind the saying “hard times create strong men; strong men create good times; good times create weak men; weak men create hard times.” hard times are the equal and opposite force that demand us to cultivate and use our strength; once the challenge is met, and hardship staved off for a time, strength can atrophy when it is not being used (because it is not in immediately-high demand). the short-sighted lack of strength does not tend to the natural process of entropy. suddenly, before it’s realized, entropy has created hard times again, beckoning the strength to come forth and meet the hardship once again.
anyway —
I do believe suffering is a necessary ingredient in a balanced psyche. it is merely about how we choose to suffer. we will all have a baseline degree of suffering, it is inevitable. I do believe in picking the right means of suffering. I believe if we are not choosing the right kinds of suffering, then our mind will conceive of imagined scenarios to fulfill that unmet need.
I think practical means of choosing the right kinds of suffering is in doing things daily that are not immediately comfortable but that are good for you, such as exercising, meditating, reading instead of doom-scrolling your phone, taking a risk and making a social or romantic connection despite nerves, taking steps towards a long-term goal (such as in your career), and so on.
I genuinely wonder if our modern mental health crisis has anything to do with the comforts of modern living. We have become completely separated from the natural hardships of existence that all humans had to deal with since the beginning of time. Fetching food and water suddenly involves little to no effort. Even lower class citizens in this nation have luxuries that ancient kings could not enjoy. Is it possible that our biology is used to more hardship? is it possible that our amygdalae (yes that’s actually the plural of amygdala LOL) are used to being activated more for real threats? perhaps our hardwares are unhappy because they’re not used to how they’re being used/how they’re not being used.
I wonder if people haven’t been looking in this direction because of our natural desire to feel comfortable. What if, in looking to alleviate our suffering, we’ve actually been compounding it? What if the key is in suffering in the right ways instead of looking to escape our ills?
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 