What does it mean to truly love oneself?
What a question, what a conversation to be had.
To love oneself… it informs how we approach the world, it informs how we allow the world to approach us. Self-love is a form of opening. We open ourselves to receive goodness without shame. We open ourselves to receive respect, knowing that we deserve it. We know what to ask for; we know how to say no.
Self-love is about opening an avenue to receive love. Self-love teaches us that we are allowed to receive. This is what is meant by the statement that we cannot truly love another nor be best loved by another if we do not love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves, we cannot receive the gift of another’s affection for we will not feel like we deserve it.
Self-love has so much to do with how we define ourselves. Our self-definition and our self-image has everything to do with how we feel we are best suited to approach the world. If we hold ourselves in a high esteem, we will not sell ourselves short; no, we will instead instinctively go after good things, for we know on a deep level that we deserve it.
Self-love is about meeting the beauty that exists inside of every one of us. We recognize that there are things worth adoring within; we find our personal genius. We recognize that this exists inside of all beings. We do not fight the natural impulse of this creative force within; we meet our own spirit, and let go of any possible conditioning that this world has forced upon us that tells us we cannot allow it to come forth.
Self-love necessarily leads to authenticity, for in the wake of genuine self love does shame of who we really are wash away. You can simply be you, and if others do not like it, that is on them and is met with a shrug. There is no greater power than this, there is no greater wealth than this. The true self is the spiritual Sun, it is alchemical gold, the most precious of metals.
How does one find their truest self? As Joseph Campbell put it: follow your bliss. Find that which inspires true joy, that which makes you radiate, you will know it, you will feel it. Where one’s bliss lies, so too will you find your truest self.
So, then, the act of reclaiming our self-love is in finding the blocks we have erected towards joy, towards the pursuit of our highest bliss, and in demolishing them. There are many ways to go about this, but the passion inside of me declares that it is an act of demolition that is necessary. I approach this whole process with a sense of urgency, for I believe that time is of the essence. The time is now and always has been now.
It is usually fear, and only fear, that keeps us from expressing our truest self. This appears to be the case always. Ask yourself: when the desire to express what will truly bring you joy arises, what is it that prevents it from unfolding? I cannot conceive of any other possible block than fear. It is the fear of discomfort, of judgment, of ostracism, of rejection, of failure — any number of things, but their commonality is fear.
This is the duality: our highest bliss, and fear. I will say this: there is no easy way out. Risk is a prerequisite for reward. Let’s define risk in this case: risk is acting alongside and in spite of fear. Risk is acting knowing that a negative consequence, real or imagined, is a possibility. But it is precisely these situations that have the highest returns to be yielded.
I am not advocating for foolhardiness, nor advising that anyone place their life in danger. It is usually intangible threats that prevent us from expressing our highest and best self and that prevent us from pursuing our bliss. It is not physical danger; it is abstract consequences without any real weight that often keep us stagnant. Failure, judgment, rejection… what power do these consequences really hold? We fear them as if our very heartbeats may cease if we are at their receiving end — why?
Again I say there is no easy way out. It requires bravery and the decision to liberate one’s mind to love oneself.
Consider one of the five love languages: acts of service. What if self love required acts of service to ourself, too? What if one of the best of those acts of service was in letting ourselves follow our bliss?
Actions speak louder than words, and if you declare that you love yourself, then act like it. Act like it by going after what you truly desire, by living a life that will genuinely bring you joy.
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 