something I love about certain moments of epiphany is that it can be set off by the most mundane of things— 

the most profound of realizations can be had through the unassuming, the dull, the drab, the plainest of circumstances. 

the tipping of the domino was a Reddit thread — so, then, let me explain to you what the rest of the dominos in that sequence were:

modern ease of living. 

is it possible that our biological equipment is designed for hardship and strife? is it possible that a prerequisite to simply existing is some sort of conflict and struggle, and if we do not have that adequately met in the outside world, our minds will conjure its own? 

it’s like an imaginary friend. a significant number of humans condemned to social isolation may end up creating imaginary friends to stave off the sense of loneliness. connection and conversation is such a deep, fundamental need that, if it is not met, the desire will become a mental projection. 

is it possible that adversity is the same? is it possible that, if our lives are too easy, we will create problems where they do not exist? i do believe this to be the case, and i believe i’ve done it myself. 

i was reading a reddit thread on how fucking amazing life is for the average human today. i… really think we are extremely out of touch with reality. extraordinarily so. so fucking many people who use social media as a soapbox to complain that “we were not meant to live this way. 8 hours under an artificial light is not natural.” 

i was pleased to see dissenters of this narrative in the comment section. they remarked on just how fucking hard life was for the average human pre-industrial revolution. they commented on how one bad winter would mean starvation; they commented on how much more manual labor living required, for even scarcer returns. consider, too, the reduction of infant mortality; consider, too, advances in modern medicine that make illnesses that once were death sentences, lesser than the common cold. 

all of this kept building and building in my brain. all of it. then, i had an extremely embarrassing moment: 

i sat down to shit. i finished, then started my bidet. and there, as i was having my ASSHOLE automatically cleaned by this machine, i was like… what in the fuck? this is EMBARRASSING! i now understand what Dwight from The Office meant when he said “don’t even get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.”

the ease of living made me feel disgusted and mortified in my own private company! i looked around at the complete and total luxury i live with and felt HORRIFIED that i could ever complain about anything. I AM NOT WEAK BUT GOD DAMN I’VE ACTED LIKE IT. i was just appallingly confused! i feel like i need to shed the blindfold i’ve worn more and more — perhaps the greatest disillusionment i may experience in my life is that my life was never hard 

so what if my family squabbles? so what if there are extended relatives that would bat an eye if i wore makeup around them? oh nooooo my life is so hard! boo hoo! seriously, i feel like i need to get a fuckin grip LMFAO. my life is GOOD. idc if i’m “disrespected” by my family, idc if they act shitty to each other. who fuckin’ cares? so often i looked at them and i’m like “how can they be so unhappy when life is clearly so good?! they overlook their blessings!” meanwhile, i ruminate on their actions, becoming unhappy and overlooking my own blessings myself. 

idk, man. i feel embarrassed by how much of a pussy i’ve been, but good things are coming and happening. life is good, i’m working hard, and feel enormously grateful.