how can we differentiate between a want and a need?
perhaps our wants are all of the ways in which we’ve ignored our needs
perhaps the fulfillment of a want is an attempt to scratch need’s itch without braving its full void
and what it might mean
my heart tells me of my needs–
my body wants.
but these wants feel like fear. These wants speak of incompletion, of lostness, of groping in the dark for something, anything to hold on to.
Why should I want? For what should I want? Is it the desire for a distraction? To give my focus to someone else, to turn away from my self and what my innermost center merely needs a listening ear to communicate?
What can I do when my desire is not desire, but my refusal to be my own confidante? To drown out the ache that need not be an ache if I’d merely listen —
then i will.
when did i become so afraid of feeling negatively? when did i forget my own ability to listen to myself? i became so afraid of complacency, for i felt as if my unconscious emotional waters were becoming like molasses, and swimming became stagnancy —
life, still yet, is a balancing act, nothing more nothing less. yea, i waged war, on my self and my self-imposed limitations. was my inner child taken in the crossfire?
here’s to being more careful.
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 