who among us (amogus) is worthy?
really, truly, who among us (amogus) all can say they are worthy?
so oft do i oscillate between oceans of unconditional love for all, the innate worthiness intrinsic to having a beating heart at all, to the sense of how much we all miss the mark.
what is the mark?
oh, the mark is goodness, the mark is rightness. i’ve a sense that all that befalls us is of our own doing. i’ve a sense that we reap what we sow. i’ve a sense that the wrongness of the world, the depths we’ve descended to, were attained one misstep at a time.
I’ve still the relentless optimist within who is grateful to have a sense of what the mark even is at all, for at least it’s a direction in which to move, even if that mark is a star in the heavens and i’ll forever be chasing the horizon on a horse.
I’ve still the open-hearted youth who thinks God knows how silly we all are, that forgiveness is the reaching out of the hand. We need not reach the very top of the staircase ourselves, all we have to do is reach our hand even a little bit to be rescued.
I’ve the sense that those who pressure themself to be perfect in every way, judging and condemning themself, will attract failure as the humbling reminder that none can do it on their own. The desire to be perfect is a grasping of the ego.
so many think that the prideful regard themself as already being perfect. this may be true, but I think that distinction is also held for those who want to be perfect, and who grow angry with themself for not being perfect. to think you could ever be perfect, to think you have the seeds of perfection in you, is also an act of the ego, is also an act of pride.
no, we can never do this alone. to be ok with not being perfect is actually to be humble. yes, always strive to live and love the very best you can, but to be upset with yourself for not doing it perfectly is prideful, for are not the prideful the ones who think themself capable of perfection? self-punishment in some pseudo-martyrdom is not humility, it’s folly and pride to think you could ever be perfect, that your self-punishment is at all justified. why punish someone for not attaining the unattainable?
who among us (amogus) is really worthy? the answer is none, and yet, we live on anyway, and maybe that’s beautiful. maybe, somehow, the gift of loving all of ourselves and all of the world despite its and despite our flaws and all of the ways we miss the mark is to claim something resembling “worthiness,” whatever that means
THE CLOSET MYSTIC 