THE CLOSET MYSTIC

  • Home
  • Buy My Book
  • Who Am I?Good question.
  • ContactContact me
  • blink the mote from your philosophers’ stones

    May 18th, 2025

    the poet is the mystic, the poet is the seer. the poet is the explorer, the poet is the sailor of the inward ocean. the poet is the alchemist, willing to see gold in the lead of our souls.

    the task of the poet is in observation. the poetry is in the way the world is seen; this, too, is the alchemy. each of us are given two philosophers stones, our eyes. the way you see the world is your gift to make gold from lead. your hands, too, are fire — this is the blacksmith’s flame you carry in your palm, you can smelt lead into gold simply from the way your hands shape the world. 

    be careful, too: your eyes and your hands can make lead from gold. the regret of every man who goes gentle into that good night is this: where they had gold but saw lead, where they had gold but made lead.

    your lead is your gold, your gold is your lead. 

  • May 16th, 2025

    Tell me of the meaning of beauty

    Tell me why I see it everywhere but here

    Tell me what it means to be beautiful

    Tell me why I’ll never be it

    Tell me why 

    I’ve never let myself be known.

    i don’t know if there is a self

    to be known.

    god made you in his image

    please make me in yours.

    I belong to the world.

    I’ve been everybody’s—

    not once my own.

    It’s your gaze that matters— 

    I’ll contort myself 

    as you please.

    I’ll set myself on fire

    To know the warmth

    I’ve so long desired.

    There’s spiders crawling

    Underneath my skin

    I’ll do anything,

    Anything — 

    For a distraction.

    I miss my suffering

    I miss my pain

    My oldest friend

    My truest stain.

  • May 16th, 2025

    here we are,

    we’re all trying to be somebody,

    to be seen by somebody,

    yet we see through everybody,

    everybody invisible 

    to everybody.

    i decide to be the person who sees.

    that’s all anyone wants, isn’t it?

    i want someone to hold my hand,

    and not grasp thin air–

    i want to lay my head on your chest,

    without falling through,

    hitting the pillow–

    love so oft

    a nugget of gold

    placed in a palm–

    but when you grasp,

    it turns to ash,

    slips through your fingers,

    all for naught.

  • May 16th, 2025

    I stared into the void,

    And then I asked:

    “Who are you?”

    I heard a voice,

    That then replied,

    “I am that Lord,

    The Lord of the deep.

    “Have you come to redeem

    What’s been condemned?

    The monsters that lie

    Beneath your bed?

    The shadows that dance

    Within your head?

    Have you come to love

    Those in the depths?”

    I took a deep breath,

    I stared and said:

    “What use have I

    For the gift of light

    If not to shine

    Into the night?

    “The secret of

    The tree of life

    Is that to branch

    Into the sky

    Into the depths

    Your roots must dive.

    “To be reborn,

    I must first die—”

    He took my hand,

    I shut my eyes.

  • Aquarius: The Role of the Scientist as the Revolutionary

    May 14th, 2025

    Hello, all. Last night, I was studying for my final in Clinical and Abnormal Psychology. I was reviewing the Kinsey scale (which both asserts that sexuality is a spectrum — NOT black and white — and aids individuals in discovering where they exist on that spectrum) in my study guide. His methods — interviewing thousands upon thousands of individuals in a first-of-its-kind objective analysis of human sexuality, free from the confines of moral, religious, or philosophical mores — piqued my interest. I decided to purchase two of his books: Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. 

    He approahed his analysis of human sexuality as if he was objectively studying the mating patterns of any given species of animal (perhaps an optimal way to conduct this research). I found the introduction to his book Sexual Behavior in the Human Female moving, inspiring, and powerful. Though I have only scratched the surface, I have quickly become convinced that Kinsey’s work is under appreciated. 

    Additionally, reading his introduction stirred in my mind an idea I’ve long had about the role of the scientist as necessarily, in its purest form, being that of the revolutionary. You see, Kinsey was facing a Goliath in his own right. Let’s ask ourselves: why was his study the first of its kind? Why were scientists so likely to conduct thorough analyses of the mating patterns of all other species of animal except for ourselves? 

    The answer to that question lies in the heavy presence of conditioned shame and guilt surrounding human sexual behavior. We might forget how much progress we have made as a society— for example, individuals in Kinsey’s time (around and before 1950) were being imprisoned for homosexual behaviors. Science thrives with objective analysis, unfettered from personal bias or taste. The heavy religious and social dogma surrounding sexuality had, to that point, made such objective analysis near impossible without facing heavily ostracism and condemnation (which Kinsey did, as a matter of fact, face). 

    The Goliath Kinsey faced was the social dogma surrounding human sexual behavior. At that point, such dogma was so heavily ingrained and pervasive that previous scientists had found it extraordinarily difficult to get honest answers from participants, even with the promise of anonymity, because of the immense shame surrounding such topics. To admit to homosexual behavior could have meant the end of one’s life as they knew it, either literally or figuratively (such as in social ostracism, the loss of one’s job, friends, family, etc.).

    Kinsey, in his introduction to Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, makes it abundantly clear that he is fully aware of the Goliath he is up against. He cites a pattern seen throughout history in which the discoveries a scientist may make directly contradict that of the existing social, religious, and cultural institutions of their time. He references, for example, the pushback that the heliocentric theory and its proponents met, demonstrating that some of the most crucial of scientific discoveries are necessarily revolutionary in their character. He similarly references the theory of evolution and the threat that posed to existing religious institutions.

    You might have already drawn the connection this has to the archetype of Aquarius. Aquarius, the revolutionary — Aquarius, forward-looking — Aquarius, scientific. I cite the research of Gaequelin in the connection between Saturn — ruling Aquarius traditionally — and that of the scientist. From astrologer.com:

    “Gauquelin’s research detected statistically abnormal diurnal positions of the planet Mars at birth in athletes, Jupiter in actors, Saturn in scientists and the Moon in writers.”

    I consider Aquarius, traditionally ruled by Saturn, to be the zodiac sign perhaps the most related to science. Obviously, being an Aquarius doesn’t mean someone is going to be a scientist; rather, the archetype of Aquarius possibly could find some of its best expression through the role of the scientist. 

    So, now, let us review what we’ve covered: some of the most important scientific research is revolutionary in character, having the potential to upend existing ideologies and social institutions. Saturn, traditionally ruling Aquarius, has been empirically (though I admittedly have not looked into his methods to determine the validity of his experiment) demonstrated to be associated with the scientist. The archetype of Aquarius is that of the revolutionary. 

    Kinsey’s work was revolutionary in character and was an immense contribution to the advancement of equal rights for individuals of all sexual orientations. He met backlash for his work (as any revolutionary scientist may). 

    Aquarius, it appears, may be related to the advancement of human knowledge itself and the upending of existing social institutions (a Saturn key phrase). I believe science is most associated with Aquarius. I believe science itself, in its purest form, is revolutionary. It may revolutionize existing social institutions. Those who champion the taboo in the name of progress and reason may be the most likely to face ostracism, condemnation, and backlash, a Saturnian experience. 

    Notable quotations from Kinsey’s work:

    “Such protest at the scientific invasion of a field which has hitherto been considered the province of moral philosophers is nothing new in the history of science. There was a day when the organization of the universe, and the place of the earth, the sun, the moon, and the stars in it, were considered of such theologic import that the scientific investigation of those matters was bitterly opposed by the ruling forces of the day.”

    “There is an honesty in science which refuses to accept the idea that there are aspects of the material universe that are better not investigated, or better not known, or the knowledge of which should not be made available to the common man. There are, for instance, in this age, those who believe that it would have been better if we had never learned what we now know concerning atomic structure. One might be led to believe that there was something unique in the situation which atomic research has produced. But the history of science records that similar objections were raised as each new revolutionary discovery was made. It is, moreover, the record of science that greater knowledge, as it has become available, has increased man’s capacity to live happily with himself and with his fellow men. We do not believe that the happiness of individual men, and the good of the total social organization, is ever furthered by the perpetuation of ignorance.

    “There is an honesty in science which leads to a certain acceptance of the reality. There are some who, finding the ocean an impediment to the pursuit of their designs, try to ignore its existence. If they are unable to ignore it because of its size, they try to legislate it out of existence, or try to dry it up with a sponge. They insist that the latter operation would be possible if enough sponges were available, and if enough persons would wield them.

    “There is no ocean of greater magnitude than the sexual function, and there are those who believe that we would do better if we ignored its existence, that we should not try to understand its material origins, and that if we sufficiently ignore it and mop at the flood of sexual activity with new laws, heavier penalties, more pronouncements, and greater intolerances, we may ultimately eliminate the reality. The scientist who observes and describes the reality is attacked as an enemy of the faith, and his acceptance of human limitations in modifying that reality is condemned as scientific materialism. But we believe that an increased understanding of the biologic and psychologic and social factors which account for each type of sexual activity may contribute to an ultimate adjustment between man’s sexual nature and the needs of the total social organization.”

    • Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, Alfred Kinsey, 1953

  • May 13th, 2025

    adorned are you,

    you glide with grace,

    you are grace,

    an angel incarnate–

    just by your gaze 

    i might be saved.

    .

    are you the sun?

    and am i icarus?

    oh, how you shine–

    i cannot resist–

    how i burn.

    .

    it’s not just temptation,

    there’s not a damn thing

    to be negotiated.

    your pull is final,

    resolute.

    you open your thighs–

    i fall to my knees.

    it’s not beneath me,

    to beg and plead.

    dignity?

    an afterthought.

    dignity, long forgot.

    your elixir,

    your nectar,

    your salve, 

    and your balm–

    my singular focus,

    truly, 

    all that i want.

    how i thirst,

    let me drink.

    how i hunger…

    let me eat.

  • May 13th, 2025

    i look at you through glass

    what is it like 

    to be beautiful?

    i want what you have:

    to be wanted.

    …

    the sun shines for you,

    what is it like to be beautiful?

    you come first;

    me: the afterthought.

    you light up every room,

    me: swallowed whole.

    what is it like to be beautiful?

    your beauty shines,

    i am chained.

    just one touch:

    you’d set me free.

  • several things i wrote today

    May 10th, 2025

    How can anyone love and not grow? To open your heart beyond yourself, reaching outward — you become bigger every time you love

    “You are as gigantic as the things that you adore”

    …

    You held me,

    And held my sadness — 

    The walls of my heart

    Thawed in your embrace.

    …

    This, the sublime — 

    How I was meant

    To spend my life.

    …

    Every time I wrote

    put feeling into word

    my heart won a battle

    letting itself

    be heard.

    …

    To love and be loved

    What other purpose have I?

    …

    Yes, yes, yes, my heart? What is it now? 

    After so long silencing you, I will answer your call forevermore. 

    I had so much to account for:

    Voicemails my heart left me throughout my youth.

    I played them back and wept

    …

    How wild were those waters,

    before the Sun was veiled.

    Ice: 

    you forget to feel.

    Glaciers of my childhood

    Melting in your love.

    Here it is:

    sea levels rise. 

    I built my house on sand—

    It’s taken in the tide. 

    …

    And no matter what I say,

    My voice does not carry.

    I scream my voice hoarse:

    not a soul to hear me.

    I miss the dark,

    I miss nursing my agony.

    I honored what was broken;

    Now I’m cold, uncaring.

    Do I remember how to cry?

    Can your love break the dam? 

    Light shines through the cracks;

    There’s your hand,

    here I am. 

  • May 7th, 2025

    how long have i held

    this sorrow in my chest

    an aching to live

    the way God intended

    to gaze at the moon

    inspired, connected

    below like above

    the celestial befriended

    oh, until then

    you’re my slice of heaven.

    i gaze at the moon

    her buttery reflection

    and into my hands

    her light has melted 

    i drink from the fount

    oh, what’s that —

    my heart has mended.

    my mother, my mirror,

    your waxing complexion–

    here do i sit,

    and come to know completion.

    but the sorrow i bear

    she demand i feel it.

    what other way

    can anyone heal it?

  • mother moon, mender moon

    May 7th, 2025

    i had no idea i was starving

    till i drank in your light 

    my mother, my healer,

    waxing gibbous,

    starry night.

    …

    i looked at the moon and i felt guilt.

    i told her i’m sorry for not coming out and connecting with her

    but i forgot her nature,

    that of a mirror.

    soon did my gaze turn 

    inward.

    i’m sorry for not connecting with you.

    i held myself and came home.

←Previous Page
1 … 19 20 21 22 23 … 77
Next Page→
  • Amazon
  • Mail
  • Instagram
 

Loading Comments...
 

    • Subscribe Subscribed
      • THE CLOSET MYSTIC
      • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
      • THE CLOSET MYSTIC
      • Subscribe Subscribed
      • Sign up
      • Log in
      • Report this content
      • View site in Reader
      • Manage subscriptions
      • Collapse this bar