THE CLOSET MYSTIC

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  • November 2nd, 2025

    you go out

    to forget what’s inside.

    you drown your past

    in blinding lights.

    hearing loss,

    damaged livers.

    the sickness of the young:

    we fall in love

    with slow death.

    we were only 10

    when we met—

    long before the siren song 

    of downtown’s 

    gaping maw

    drew you near,

    and swallowed you whole.

    a DUI

    couldn’t pull you

    from her belly.

    AA meetings,

    leaving the event horizon,

    breaking free—

    but the black hole 

    beckons.

    the past’s gravity

    is too great—

    you fall back in,

    desperate 

    for amnesia.

    what the hell is happening?

    snapshots

    of every night out:

    a timelapse 

    in my mind’s eye.

    years and years

    of skin 

    losing luster,

    of eyes 

    drawing in,

    of weakening cheeks,

    of smiles 

    losing their peaks.

    groundhog lives:

    we rinse and repeat.

    trapped 

    in the same nightmare,

    convinced it’s paradise.

    anything

    to forget the dead end.

    go,

    pour one out

    for a dead friend—

    but refill it

    soon after.

  • November 2nd, 2025

    sorrow, 

    my strange, familiar bedfellow.

    how many nights have we shared?

    your whispers wake me,

    drag me from slumber.

    and yet you call me to bed

    at odd hours, promising comfort

    but it is always the same—

    you tuck me in

    under a leaden blanket,

    and dangle sleep, a carrot,

    whispering

    of all that estranges us.

    sorrow, 

    selfish bedfellow.

    I long for slumber—

    instead, I listen 

    to your whispers.

    convincing, bargaining,

    you pull me closer,

    wrapping me

    in arms of ice.

    nestled 

    in your cold embrace,

    I fall 

    into the void —

    every regret,

    a star in this sky—

    it’s time travel, you know.

    the past shines

    from lightyears away—

    but these memories,

    they burn so bright

    all the same.

  • October 29th, 2025

    I can say, “I love you,”

    or I can tell you:

    you are my means

    and my end.

    you are my how, 

    and my why.

  • October 28th, 2025

    I cannot tell you how many times it’s felt like my heart has swelled near the point of bursting in my life. Like you’re so full of life and all it may entail that you could just pop.

    It can swell with joy, with grief, with contentment, with love— today, it swells with joy and contentment alike. I cannot explain how happy I feel. Things just feel… right. Like finally making it out of a long, dark night. Dawn was last year. I enjoyed the Sunrise, but doubted the Sun would stay up for long.

    Well, now it’s midday, and the Sun shows no sign of dimming, pinned firmly at a zenith.

    I love this life. There’s that swelling feeling: gratitude, right now.

  • October 27th, 2025

    Like that old poet, I too walk by a chasm. Sometimes I peer over the edge— sometimes I dangle my feet— sometimes I throw rocks in and wait for a thud (I hear none). Like him, I am fated to fall in one day. 

    But sometimes, I wish I could jump in and free fall. That’s the thing about that pit: there is no bottom. You’re falling for certain, but rock bottom is a place reserved for people who have an end to their madness. No bottom exists in this pit. 

    Sometimes I wish I could give myself to the neurosis, to that dark space within. No matter how well-adjusted I seem, I always carry that blizzard— that place of chaos. 

    I know not a poet nor tormented artist that does not carry that chasm within them, too. I think it’s common to all of us. The gift of the artist is in channeling that madness— a controlled free-fall. I think the only artist doomed to fall in early is the one who does not channel the pit into their work.

    Write a poem and throw it into the pit, it requires tribute. If you do not throw your art into it, its sickly-sweet siren song will beckon until either you or your creations fall in; yes, it demands one or the other. Indeed, the void will call— how will you answer? 

  • October 26th, 2025

    and so I asked him: “what, then, is the sickness of the West?”

    and he replied, “the tendency to treat minor inconveniences as catastrophes, and to treat actual catastrophes — starvation, poverty, mass genocide — as minor inconveniences.”

  • October 26th, 2025

    pure evil:

    not really evil.

    pure good:

    not really good.

    fear the demon

    that hides in the angel.

    look for the angel

    that hides in the demon.

  • October 26th, 2025

    the princes of Hel

    fight 

    for a noble cause—

    how 

    can a prince

    of the chasm

    weather such frost?

    perhaps

    a Promethean flame

    fit

    to overthrow the gods.

    The Asteri,

    beings of light,

    society’s pinnacle—

    stars

    in priestly robes—

    pin the masses

    so beautifully

    with the gravity 

    of six red Suns,

    with an obscured 

    red right hand—

    who said Hel was evil?

    who said light 

    couldn’t burn?

    who said the devil

    was ugly?

  • our house long consumed by flames

    October 26th, 2025

    i had no innocence left

    to be tainted,

    but i wanted to protect yours.

    i’ll never forget the pain

    of watching it die.

    i tried to give you

    what i never had—

    an older brother who was safety.

    but i couldn’t save you

    from them.

    i couldn’t give you the Christmas

    you deserved.

    i couldn’t stop the waves,

    couldn’t quench the flame,

    couldn’t still the quake,

    could not calm the hurricane.

    no, 

    we were cut from a tainted cloth.

    i resented

    watching you learn that fact.

    i could see

    the question in your panicked eyes,

    behind the shock,

    the fear, the sorrow—

    the “why?”

    i have no answer.

    i only know

    they burnt our home to the ground.

    i alone

    am left with ash in my hands.

    i felt not a thing

    when it truly did burn,

    for I’d already mourned

    our house long consumed by flames.

  • October 24th, 2025

    the gravity of my own selfishness: how dare I wallow in my own shallow suffering, this kiddie pool I refuse to swim in, choose to drown in, while turning a blind eye to the ocean of pain in which the rest of the world treads?

    sometimes it hits me full force: consumed by my own suffering, consumed by my own negativity, consumed by this void of my own making— the glass cracks, I see in full clarity my own pathetic weakness. so without purpose that I’ve created misty demons to slay myself. I spar with my own mind, ignoring the real fight. 

    hungry, hungry, hungry for purpose. take me out of myself. save me from myself. give me to service to escape the pit of my own mind. let me care for the welfare of another that I cease this selfish madness of constant self-pity. I am a man who inherited the world, yet convinced himself he had nothing.

    this self-centered self pity, a leaden weight chained to the ankle. the masses carry the bolt cutters— to them I go

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